As we head into the holiday season, perhaps the greatest gift we can give each other is compassion.

I have recently had several reminders,  just how often as we go about our busy days we fail to consider what circumstances those around us may be dealing with.   We just never know if that less than pleasant woman in front of us at the check out counter has just found out she lost her job, or if the grouchy person sitting next to us on the plane is returning home from a funeral, or if the reason you had less than stellar service at dinner last night was because the waiter just received some horrible news.

In the past few months I have been both on the receiving and I am ashamed to say giving end of less than compassionate behavior.   The fact is, sometimes we just have no idea what those around us may be going through.

With so many people facing financial crisis and health challenges right now, stress is at an all time high.  A smile, patience and a little understanding will go along way.

In an ideal world we would all be brave and at least reach out to those close to us.   As my dear friend Cathy Conheim says, “Three of the most powerful words in the English language are: ‘Please help me’.”   Until we all learn those words, let’s learn to be more compassionate with each other.

Compassion, it’s the gift that will keep on giving this holiday season…

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

The other day I was searching for a photo for a new picture frame I’d just bought. I sorted through dozens of vacation snapshots—the ones I keep telling myself I will some day put in adorable scrapbooks—but for now they sit in shoe boxes.

As I poured over the pictures I had a few good laughs going down memory lane. The good times, the bad times, and the  what-were-you-thinking clothes and haircuts.

Then I found the unthinkable—an old picture of me in a bikini!  My husband had managed to snap a full-length shot of me on the beach. I was instantly transported back to that day almost 20 years ago. I vividly remembered changing swimming suits three or four times that morning trying to find one I thought best hid my love handles.

As I thought back about the morning, and how self-conscious I felt about wearing a bikini, I feel really stupid. Because you know what—that mother of two looked just fine. And yet I wasted precious energy and time stressing out over my not perfect body. What an idiot!

Twenty years later I would love to have that body back. That very same body I anguished over back then!  It was a real ah-ha moment for me. Twenty years from now I will most likely wish I had the body back that I have today.

The reality is even the women we think have perfect bodies aren’t content. We are ALL spending way too much time on if-only. If only I wasn’t sagging here or there.  If only I didn’t have stretch marks. If only I didn’t have these saddle bags.

The moral of the story is… love the body you have RIGHT NOW.

Think of all the energy we waste worrying about wrinkles, cellulite, belly pouch and gray hair. Does it really matter? NO. Never was that more clear than when I stared at that photo from two decades ago and lamented over the time and energy lost worrying about nothing. I vowed right then and there to spend my time appreciating health and well being instead of berating myself over silly things like stretch marks.

Let’s start today loving and accepting ourselves—lumps and all.

I challenge you to give yourself the gift of perspective. Go get out an old photo of yourself. Remember what you worried about back then… Not so bad, huh. So be gentler with the body you have today.

Don’t waste another minute of your precious time worrying about cellulite! That is what self-tanner is for. Ha!

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

I believe there are two groups of people; those who like to live with a fire extinguisher on each hip and those who don’t.  I fall into the don’t category.  I like to avoid those last minute fires whenever possible.

I figure life hands us enough twists and turns that can’t be prevented.  I am sure as heck not going to add any fuel to the fire by being unorganized.  But lately it seems I have been surrounded by the friggin fire department!

One last minute challenge after another keeps popping up and smoldering, many of which could have been prevented with a bit of organization and communication.

Good thing this don’t has a sense of humor and an extra bucket around just in case.

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

Not only is Mother’s Day around the corner,  May 2^nd was Jordan’s birthday.  I feel compelled to remind everyone how precious life is and how important it is live it with passion.

Jordan Chiovarelli was one of those charismatic characters you couldn’t help but love. He was my daughter Harlie’s best friend. She adored him and he looked after her like a big brother. He was like a member of the family.

On Jordan’s last visit to Las Vegas he came to stay with us for a week. One night he and Harlie tried to convince my husband Jeff—who Jordan always called Pops—and I to go out with them. We said we were too old to hang with the twenty-something crowd, said we were too tired, said we had to go to work in the morning…but Jordan was having none of it. He was determined to drag Pops and me out on the town with them. He had a grin you couldn’t resist and a way of coaxing you into anything.

Just like Jordan convinced us to say yes that night, he always said yes to life. He loved to ride motorcycles and planned to open up a shop back in Long Island one day. He was an avid and talented competitive skier who traveled the world in pursuit of the sport that was his passion.

Jordan seemed invincible. And then early one morning the call came.  Harlie on the other end of the phone telling me the unimaginable. Jordan had been killed in a motorcycle accident. That was impossible. He was so full of life.

My mind immediately flashed back to that night. I was so grateful he had convinced us to say yes. So grateful I didn’t miss out on creating those memories.

As a mother I can’t imagine anything more painful than having to bury a child. I think about his Mom every day.

In honor of her, please go hug your kids, let them know how much you love them. In honor of Jordan, go hug your Mom and let her know just how much you appreciate her, just like Jordan did.  I know how much Jordan loved his Mom, Rita. In fact the last time he and Harlie were talking on the phone, he was cooking dinner for his Mom. That’s the kind of kid Jordan was.

A foundation has been established in Jordan’s honor to support the cause he was most passionate about. www.jordanchiovarellifoundation.org

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

This is the year I am going to stop fighting nature… I am apparently born to be a bad packer. I have spent a lifetime trying to master the art of packing. I really want to be one of those people who can show up with a small carry-on bag for a 5-day business trip.  Alas, valiant efforts and hundreds of thousands of frequent-flier miles later, I am still a bad packer.

So I am surrendering!  I am giving in to my bad packing ways. This year I am going to embrace my inner over-packing self.  I am going to check in my luggage–filled with too many shoes and too many clothing options, and I am just going to relax and smile when they give me that judgmental look and tell me they need to weigh my bag. I am going to stop stressing out about trying to be a good packer and continue to over-pack—with abandon and joy!

Once I made this life-changing decision, the metaphorical weight of trying to be a good packer was lifted, and the literal weight of my suitcase increased.   I am oh-so liberated!  Now when I get my bag out to get ready for a trip, I no longer kid myself that this will be the trip I leave with only a carry-on bag.  I no longer stress out about it, I simply pack what I want and stop worrying about it.  Freedom!

It got me thinking about all of the things we continually try to change about ourselves.  I have no doubt I lost months of my life while trying to blow-dry my naturally curly hair as a teenager back when Farah’s straight, smooth locks were all the rage.

What areas of your life could you just release and accept?  Perhaps we should stop fighting our quirks and accept them as part of our endearing nature?  What are you going to surrender to?

Loving my liberation!

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

The topic of sex came up with a group of friends discussing what was too racy or offensive to put in a gift book.   The conversation made me once again grateful that the religion of my youth didn’t “take” and I was not only able to avoid a temple recommend but keep my libido!

It seems many, many women are struggling with the messages of their chaste upbringing and the desire to now have fulfilling sex lives with their husbands.

I had a friend who went to Catholic school and the nuns made sure that impure thoughts were beaten out of them – sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally … with a ruler.

When another friend finally met the man of her dreams and got married, years of chastity training left lasting impressions. She adores her husband, but still finds it difficult to really enjoy sex.  Her inhibitions make her anxious and nervous. What is natural to him seems distasteful to her.  It’s not easy to transform from being the “good girl’” to the passionate woman.

How on earth are women who are taught to treat their bodies as temples supposed to transform into sex vixens overnight once they cross the threshold of holy matrimony?

“Sex is dirty – save it for someone you love.” That pretty much sums up the mixed messages many girls receive. Talk about confusing!  What can Mother’s who are raising daughters now do to make sure they enjoy sex later?

According to Dr. Laura Berman, the talk shouldn’t only be about being moral and STD prevention and pregnancy. It’s also about empowerment—and Dr. Berman says the conversation needs to include pleasure. “You don’t want her to have sex right now. … But you eventually want her to have a fulfilling, happy, loving, intimate sex life,” she says. “When the time comes, she’s that much more likely to make those healthy decisions since she feels good about who she is as a sexual person and not just give away that gift to anybody—the first time or any time.”

As for adults, perhaps its time to leave the mixed messages behind and follow the sentiment of Mae West who famously said, “When I’m good I’m very, very good but when I’m bad I’m better.”

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

So many of us are counting down the days until 2009 is over, eager to greet a new year with new hope.  If 2009 has you feeling like you’ve been hit by a train, I offer up Hartley’s words of wisdom for us all.

I met Hartley last year while I was on a trip with a group of friends. Early on in the trip, I was at the hotel in the midst of arranging a taxi to pick us all up at a certain time the next morning and trying to find out about a ferry schedule. Okay, I was being my organized type A self when a man named Hartley stepped in. I explained to him I wanted to make sure we arrived at our next destination on time. He just smiled. I tried to clarify that I really needed to know what time we would need to get the taxi to pick us up in order to arrive at the ferry on time. Hartley smiled again and told me not to be in such a rush.

Hartley just kept saying we should fear not. Fear not?

My friends and I ended up talking to Hartley for almost an hour. He gave us quite a lesson in life. A sermon really. Hartley talked to us about the way it is back in his country of Dominica and how much slower and gentler things are. Fear not he preached. It will all work out. Slow down and take time to enjoy life more. Don’t worry so much he said. Learn to fear not.

The rest of the trip was pretty much a series of disastrous events—let’s just say there was plenty to be afraid of on this trip—but we listened to Hartley, feared not and laughed a lot instead!

I have decided with the fresh start of a new year on the horizon I am going to be following the wise words of Hartley the bellman and take this life lesson with me into the New Year. I am going to slow down, take a few breaths, enjoy life more.

Sounds like a great mantra for a new decade, Fear Not.

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

This year I was going to deck the halls, hand-write holiday greetings and actually mail them, make sugar cookies from scratch, and finish all of my shopping before Thanksgiving. Ha!

That didn’t happen.

About this time each year I think most women basically have our hair on fire. There is just so much to do!  The sense of overwhelm is well…overwhelming.  Can you relate?

And by the way what is the deal with Santa Claus getting all the credit?  We know darn well that in most cases it’s Madame Claus that is doing most of the work!

It is the season for giving after all, so let’s try giving ourselves a break.
 How about this holiday season instead all the “should’s” and “have-to’s” on our list we cut ourselves some slack?  Instead of super-sizing our work load this time of year, I dare you to down-size it!   Besides the smaller the tree the bigger the presents will look!

The best gift of all is taking it easy on ourselves. Here’s to actually enjoying the holiday season.

Cheers!

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

This morning as I put on a pair of warm socks to guard against the chilly floors and headed downstairs to my office, I thought about how much I cherish these socks and their origin.

Those of you who have been with me from the start of this journey may remember one of the very first Making a Difference charities we ever featured in the Femail Creations catalog over a decade ago, the Rainbow Socks Project.

The year before I actually began Femail Creations I learned about a woman in Boston named Babbie who collected yarn and knitting needles to send to the women of Bosnia and Croatia so they could knit scarves and mittens and socks to stay warm.  Babbie’s project gathered momentum and people from all over the country were sending her yarn and knitting needles. I went out that day and gathered up boxes of yarn and shipped them off.

What I loved about Babbie’s story was that, like so many of us, she saw a news story about women’s lives being torn apart by war, only instead of just being saddened or even angered by the story, she took action.

After Femail Creations got off the ground, I thought about Babbie and wanted to somehow use the catalog to help. I contacted her and asked how we could support the great work she was doing. She said that the women now had all of the mittens and socks they needed, however we could continue to send them supplies so that they could sell their excess socks back to us for sale here in the United States. Babbie’s generous idea, called the Rainbow Socks Project, not only provided clothing and warmth to the women but an income stream to help them rebuild their village, which was destroyed in the war.

I asked Babbie if we could feature the Rainbow Socks as our holiday 1997 charity in the catalog. I knew our customers would love the story and want to buy the socks and mittens and reach out to these women thousands of miles away. Babbie loved the idea and we immediately began working out the logistics of how to get that many socks over here.

Each pair of mittens or socks were knitted by hand, using the patterns these women had been handing down for generations, and each woman would stitch a little piece of paper with her name on it in the mitten or sock. No two were exactly alike but each one was a heartfelt work of art. (I know many of you would love to buy more of them right now, but alas they are no longer available all these many years later.)

Babbie used her personal frequent flier miles to fly over to pick up the socks herself to guarantee that we would get them here in time to sell them in the catalog. And then she did the same thing again when she brought the women their check from Femail Creations.

The women were able to reconstruct their village with the money we sent them from the mittens and socks we sold in the catalog.

When Babbie returned she sent me a gift I truly treasure, a letter and a piece of cloth. The letter explained that the piece of cloth was the first one produced by the loom they bought for the village using the money Femail Creations sent them. Babbie said they all called me the “good woman,” and told her to take this to the “good woman” who helped them rebuild their village.

A few years ago my husband and I were fortunate enough to actually visit Croatia. A very different place than it was over a decade ago. Dubrovnik is now a thriving and beautiful travel destination. It was a real full circle moment for me.

Babbie’s story still inspires me and reminds me just how important it is to take action when something moves us.   Whether your family holiday traditions include adopting a less fortunate family, helping stock food pantries or just taking cookies to your neighbors, this season is a great opportunity to reach out and make a difference, lighten someone’s load and brighten someone’s day.

Here’s to embracing life’s full circle moments and the magic of the season!

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

Maybe it was the email from my sister wondering if I thought she could get the $8,000 tax credit for a bunker instead of a house—such have been her trials and tribulations lately—she wanted to hunker down until it was all over. Maybe it was the sense that so many of us feel like we have gone down the proverbial rabbit hole this year? Whatever the reason, I was inspired by Alice In Wonderland when it came time to dress up for Halloween this year!

So alas that was the theme for this years Spooky Golf foursome costume. As you can see our foursome includes Alice (yours truly), the Mad Hatter, (aka my hubby Jeff) and our friends Linda and Frank as the Queen of Hearts and the Rabbit.

The trick was getting Frank’s giant rabbit head into the golf cart. The treat was winning top prize at the Halloween Party for the third year in a row!

Happy Halloween!!!

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

I am working on my next book and I want YOU to be in it!

So many of us are running on empty and are in desperate need of a refill.

Some of us have learned how to refuel, but most of us are still in the process of figuring that out.

How did we end up engrained with the message we had to put everyone else first?  Have you paid a price for burning the candle at both ends?  Share with me how you lost your way, the consequences of spreading yourself too thin, and how you found your way back.

I would love to hear your story!

Email me via the contact page on my blog or at femailfacebook@gmail.com

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®

Ironically, a bird had built a nest on my patio, just as I was facing my own empty nest. Each day I watched the other bird fly off to get food for her babies. It had been my morning ritual that summer. My kids know I have a full life, actually enjoy spending time with their father, and have raised them to be independent and spread their wings. Having said that, I was still trying to wrap my head around the notion that my son was moving out, signing his first apartment lease, and heading off to college.

How did we go from swim diapers to dive master in 18 short years? Is it just me, or is there a lot more to worry about than when we left home? Did I teach him everything I needed to? Did I run out of time? It sure felt like it.

As I faced this scary time of letting go, letting my kids grow and take risks, I found myself taking lots of deep breaths and reflecting on when they were little. The challenges we faced then seemed so overwhelming. I had no idea potty training would be the easy part.

I often wonder if we are here to teach our children or if they are here to teach us? With each new challenge they face, our own comfort zones here to expand to accommodate their broadening horizons. I have learned that as our children grow so do we.

With so many of my friends facing a leap of faith this fall and that daunting task of sending a child off to college, it seemed the perfect time to share this video with you, and I hope you will share it with anyone in your life who is in the midst of spreading wings and learning to fly.

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®