The topic of sex came up with a group of friends discussing what was too racy or offensive to put in a gift book.   The conversation made me once again grateful that the religion of my youth didn’t “take” and I was not only able to avoid a temple recommend but keep my libido!

It seems many, many women are struggling with the messages of their chaste upbringing and the desire to now have fulfilling sex lives with their husbands.

I had a friend who went to Catholic school and the nuns made sure that impure thoughts were beaten out of them – sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally … with a ruler.

When another friend finally met the man of her dreams and got married, years of chastity training left lasting impressions. She adores her husband, but still finds it difficult to really enjoy sex.  Her inhibitions make her anxious and nervous. What is natural to him seems distasteful to her.  It’s not easy to transform from being the “good girl’” to the passionate woman.

How on earth are women who are taught to treat their bodies as temples supposed to transform into sex vixens overnight once they cross the threshold of holy matrimony?

“Sex is dirty – save it for someone you love.” That pretty much sums up the mixed messages many girls receive. Talk about confusing!  What can Mother’s who are raising daughters now do to make sure they enjoy sex later?

According to Dr. Laura Berman, the talk shouldn’t only be about being moral and STD prevention and pregnancy. It’s also about empowerment—and Dr. Berman says the conversation needs to include pleasure. “You don’t want her to have sex right now. … But you eventually want her to have a fulfilling, happy, loving, intimate sex life,” she says. “When the time comes, she’s that much more likely to make those healthy decisions since she feels good about who she is as a sexual person and not just give away that gift to anybody—the first time or any time.”

As for adults, perhaps its time to leave the mixed messages behind and follow the sentiment of Mae West who famously said, “When I’m good I’m very, very good but when I’m bad I’m better.”

Lisa Hammond
The Barefoot CEO ®